Guilt.

I think that the past few months in our household should be renamed the "Summer of Sickness". Since the end of June, it seems like there has been a never-ending combination of colds, stomach flu, and croup. Currently, we have three family members with colds and another with the stomach flu. Add to that a change in work schedule and caring for essentially two two year olds, and you can understand that life has been a bit crazy and overwhelming. Things reached a climax a few weeks ago when my sleep deprived brain had enough. I was feeling burned out and wanting a break from being home...Monday morning couldn't come fast enough! And then I felt guilt for wanting a break from the kids...this spiraled into (ridiculous?) feelings that surely I am the only mother who has ever felt this tired and exhausted and who sometimes just needs a break from anyone who cannot function as an independent adult. And of course, this self-imposed guilt made me feel like a terrible mother, which then added to my original feelings of stress and being overwhelmed. What a cycle!

Fortunately for me, I am NOT the only person that feels this why from time to time, right? As women in general, I think it is all too easy to worry that everyone else is judging us and looking for ways that we come up short or fail. In reality, I would be willing to bet that most of us are so busy with our own lives that we don't really have time to sit and evaluate others shortcomings. And if someone does have time for that, then they are probably the ones who have a problem! During one of my times of frustration, I was browing online for some motivational messages that I was hoping could help pick me up out of my slump. A few of my favorite things that I came across were:

I also loved this thought from Ginger Johnson: "I wish someone had told me to be gentle with myself, every day. Motherhood is hard, and if your children have any sort of challenges, it’s even harder. I wish someone had reminded me that I am the best mother for these particular boys, hand-picked to be their nurturer, advocate, and teacher, and that as much as they need me, I need them. Those words would have been more welcome advice than the oft-quoted and guilt-producing “time-passeth-quickly-savor-the-moment” speech." Motherhood is hard! And we (at least I do) beat ourselved up over it. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it is normal to have everything about it be perfect...picture perfect family, house looking like it appeared out of a magazine, gourmet meals on the table, home schooled kids, etc. I feel like I fall into this trap really easily because of infertility...I wanted these kids SO bad, so I shouldn't get frustrated when times are hard, right? WRONG! Sometimes it is okay to let go of the guilt, admit that things are hard/not as perfect as you would like, and just go with it. That is what I am trying to work on...living in the moment with my family so that I can enjoy each day as much as possible, but on my terms. Easier said than done, but the hardest things are also the most worthwile.