Monthly Theme: How to Feed a Baby

Over at PAIL, there is a monthly theme where other bloggers are encouraged to write about their experiences with the assigned topic. Since PAIL is all about parenting after infertility, the topics typically have to do with parenting, kids, etc. This month's theme is about experiences with feeding your baby/child. This is an interesting topic for me because I feel like I have been in a unique position to experience different sides of the feeding debate.

When I first dreamed of motherhood, I pictured breastfeeding as the only logical choice, never really imaginging that it could be difficult, let alone not be an option. In most situations, adopting a child poses some restrictions on baby feeding, and we were no exception. But, I have to say, I was not disappointed in using formula for Jaxson. Yes, it is more expensive, but I really enjoyed it. It was so helpful to be able to allow other people to help feed him, especially when it was Mike's turn to get up with him in the night. It was nice to be able to leave him with a babysitter and not have to worry about being home in time for a feeding. I don't feel like Jaxson experienced any kind of disadvantage at all because he received formula instead of breastmilk.

When I was pregnant with Aynsley, I received more than one lecture on how nice it was that I would now be able to breastfeed my baby instead of resorting to formula. I was told all about how terrible formula is and how amazing breastfeeding is, albeit hard and painful. People explained that breastfeeding your baby is what makes you a real mom. When Aynsley was born, we tried breastfeeding. A lot. The poor girl started losing too much weight in the hospital, and we were forced to give her a bottle. Despite visits with a lactation nurse and a lot of attempts, she still struggled. I am sure that part of this could have been the fact that she had acid reflux AND I was also trying to care for her 10 month old brother while trying to feed her, but she struggled getting enough unless it came from the bottle. We finally concluded that it would be better for our daughter's health if all of her meals came from the bottle. I ended up doing about 50% formula and 50% breastmilk (that I pumped), and it worked out really well for her. I still enjoyed the convenience of her having a bottle and she was able to get some breastmilk. And do you know what? She did just fine, even though she also had formula in her diet.

This whole experience really taught me the importance of respecting other mom's preferences in how they care for their kids. For some women, breastfeeding is the only way to go, and it works great for them. For others, there are different reasons why it doesn't work out. And that is perfectly okay. What matters most is whatever is working for baby and mom, and not for someone else.

Guilt.

I think that the past few months in our household should be renamed the "Summer of Sickness". Since the end of June, it seems like there has been a never-ending combination of colds, stomach flu, and croup. Currently, we have three family members with colds and another with the stomach flu. Add to that a change in work schedule and caring for essentially two two year olds, and you can understand that life has been a bit crazy and overwhelming. Things reached a climax a few weeks ago when my sleep deprived brain had enough. I was feeling burned out and wanting a break from being home...Monday morning couldn't come fast enough! And then I felt guilt for wanting a break from the kids...this spiraled into (ridiculous?) feelings that surely I am the only mother who has ever felt this tired and exhausted and who sometimes just needs a break from anyone who cannot function as an independent adult. And of course, this self-imposed guilt made me feel like a terrible mother, which then added to my original feelings of stress and being overwhelmed. What a cycle!

Fortunately for me, I am NOT the only person that feels this why from time to time, right? As women in general, I think it is all too easy to worry that everyone else is judging us and looking for ways that we come up short or fail. In reality, I would be willing to bet that most of us are so busy with our own lives that we don't really have time to sit and evaluate others shortcomings. And if someone does have time for that, then they are probably the ones who have a problem! During one of my times of frustration, I was browing online for some motivational messages that I was hoping could help pick me up out of my slump. A few of my favorite things that I came across were:

I also loved this thought from Ginger Johnson: "I wish someone had told me to be gentle with myself, every day. Motherhood is hard, and if your children have any sort of challenges, it’s even harder. I wish someone had reminded me that I am the best mother for these particular boys, hand-picked to be their nurturer, advocate, and teacher, and that as much as they need me, I need them. Those words would have been more welcome advice than the oft-quoted and guilt-producing “time-passeth-quickly-savor-the-moment” speech." Motherhood is hard! And we (at least I do) beat ourselved up over it. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it is normal to have everything about it be perfect...picture perfect family, house looking like it appeared out of a magazine, gourmet meals on the table, home schooled kids, etc. I feel like I fall into this trap really easily because of infertility...I wanted these kids SO bad, so I shouldn't get frustrated when times are hard, right? WRONG! Sometimes it is okay to let go of the guilt, admit that things are hard/not as perfect as you would like, and just go with it. That is what I am trying to work on...living in the moment with my family so that I can enjoy each day as much as possible, but on my terms. Easier said than done, but the hardest things are also the most worthwile.