King of the Throne

We introduced potty training at our house on Friday. We have been telling Jax for a while that if he started going to the bathroom in the toilet, we would buy him a bike. I figured it was time to put up or shut up. This was something that I have had mixed feelings about for a long time. On one hand, it is expensive to have two kids in diapers, on the other, diapers are just SO convenient sometimes. I figured that with the kids being so close in age, chances are I could train both of them at the same time and save myself some time and energy. That was my first mistake.

I did everything that I could to be ready for the big day. I cleared out schedule, took the kids shopping for their own grown-up underwear, and loaded up on treats and drinks. The morning started off well. I used a doll to show the kids how easy it is go in the toilet and what happens when you don’t make it to the bathroom in time. They caught on pretty quickly and we moved on to having the kids wear their new underwear. The method I was using (Toilet Training in Under a Day) focuses on rewarding kids when they stay dry rather than when they go to the bathroom, and Jaxson was LOVING this. The only problem was that he soon started insisting that he didn’t need to even try sitting on his potty chair because he was already clean. Meanwhile, poor Aynsley started having lots of accidents which were freaking her out and giving her tons of anxiety. It quickly became clear that while both kids might seem ready, they still had different needs and there was not enough of me to go around to get both of them trained at the same time. So, Aynsley went back into diapers and my focus shifted just to Jaxson.

Once I started focusing only on him, he seemed to catch on a lot faster, although I had to switch to bribing him with rewards for when he went, rather than when he stayed dry. I was feeling fairly optimistic by the time he went to bed on Friday. Saturday morning rolled around and since I was out running, Mike was the only one around who could help him. For whatever reason, Jaxson was not okay with this, so we kind of had to start over on Saturday once I came home. I think that each day is getting a little bit better (Jax even took himself once on Sunday with no prompting/help from us!), but it is still hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and imagine when I will have the confidence to take him out in public for any extended period of time.

Potty training is definitely something that will test your patience, but at the same time, I have to admit that I have kind of enjoyed the quality time that Jaxson and I spent together. It isn’t often that you are confined to a space the size of a bathroom with very minimal interruptions…no TV, no phone, hardly any toys. It really makes you get back to basics and reminds you just how cool this little person is.

Guilt.

I think that the past few months in our household should be renamed the "Summer of Sickness". Since the end of June, it seems like there has been a never-ending combination of colds, stomach flu, and croup. Currently, we have three family members with colds and another with the stomach flu. Add to that a change in work schedule and caring for essentially two two year olds, and you can understand that life has been a bit crazy and overwhelming. Things reached a climax a few weeks ago when my sleep deprived brain had enough. I was feeling burned out and wanting a break from being home...Monday morning couldn't come fast enough! And then I felt guilt for wanting a break from the kids...this spiraled into (ridiculous?) feelings that surely I am the only mother who has ever felt this tired and exhausted and who sometimes just needs a break from anyone who cannot function as an independent adult. And of course, this self-imposed guilt made me feel like a terrible mother, which then added to my original feelings of stress and being overwhelmed. What a cycle!

Fortunately for me, I am NOT the only person that feels this why from time to time, right? As women in general, I think it is all too easy to worry that everyone else is judging us and looking for ways that we come up short or fail. In reality, I would be willing to bet that most of us are so busy with our own lives that we don't really have time to sit and evaluate others shortcomings. And if someone does have time for that, then they are probably the ones who have a problem! During one of my times of frustration, I was browing online for some motivational messages that I was hoping could help pick me up out of my slump. A few of my favorite things that I came across were:

I also loved this thought from Ginger Johnson: "I wish someone had told me to be gentle with myself, every day. Motherhood is hard, and if your children have any sort of challenges, it’s even harder. I wish someone had reminded me that I am the best mother for these particular boys, hand-picked to be their nurturer, advocate, and teacher, and that as much as they need me, I need them. Those words would have been more welcome advice than the oft-quoted and guilt-producing “time-passeth-quickly-savor-the-moment” speech." Motherhood is hard! And we (at least I do) beat ourselved up over it. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it is normal to have everything about it be perfect...picture perfect family, house looking like it appeared out of a magazine, gourmet meals on the table, home schooled kids, etc. I feel like I fall into this trap really easily because of infertility...I wanted these kids SO bad, so I shouldn't get frustrated when times are hard, right? WRONG! Sometimes it is okay to let go of the guilt, admit that things are hard/not as perfect as you would like, and just go with it. That is what I am trying to work on...living in the moment with my family so that I can enjoy each day as much as possible, but on my terms. Easier said than done, but the hardest things are also the most worthwile.

Still Alive!

Yes, I am still here and yes, I realize that I haven't blogged in MONTHS! I am not really sure if anyone still reads this, but I am going to *try* to post a little more regularly. I think that blogging has definitely taken a back seat to the business of life, plus sometimes it feels like it is a little repetitive between other social media outlets, like Facebook and Instagram.

Sometimes I feel like I blink, and Jaxson and Aynsley have grown even more. They are starting to act more and more like twins. Really, the only differences are that Jaxson is taller and says a few more words. They seem to have the typical love/hate sibling relationship, but I love watching them play and I know that they really are best friends. They have entered a busy stage...I like to say that they are two tiny tornados, but I prefer that to the alternative of them just sitting in front of the TV all day. They definitely keep us on our toes and add so much to life.

Much of my spare time has been filled with marathon training! My first marathon is about six weeks away, and I am starting to realize that maybe I am a little crazy for doing this. All of my training has gone pretty well and I feel like I am on track, but wow...26 miles is a long way to run! You really start to realize it when trying to plan out long runs and you keep having to find ways to make them longer. My goal with this race is just to cross the finish line. I have had a lot of thoughts about running and training for this race in particular, so perhaps I will save that for another post.

To sum things up, life is busy but still amazing. I am blessed to have a great husband and have these two little people who call me mom. They make each day an adventure, and hopefully I will do a little bit better job of documenting it.

December Recap

I hate having to do recap style posts, but let's be honest, I have really sucked at blogging lately. December was a crazy busy month in our household, so sadly the blog has been terribly neglected. The two biggest events were Christmas festivities in general (duh), but also my sister getting married!

Making their debut as Mr. and Mrs. 

Beth and her husband, Mike, finally tied the knot after four years of dating! This was definitely a long time coming, but I know that they couldn't be happier. It was so fun to reflect back on my own wedding day and remember all of the excitement and emotions that were part of the day.

Beth lived with us for about 18 months, so we had the opportunity to get to know her husband even more. They seem to genuinely make each other really happy, so it is exciting to have another member in the family!

The Swain Siblings, plus our new addition: Kristin, me, Mike, Beth, David, and Khemia.

We did have a little bit of drama for the wedding. Jaxson and Aynsley were diagnosed with croup just two days before the wedding. Our pediatrician advised us not to take the kids out, as it seemed they would probably be getting worse before they got better. It seemed like their illnesses were pretty mild and they were getting better earlier than expected, so we decided to take them out anyway. Khemia watched them during the temple ceremony, and they seemed to be doing pretty well. Once we went outside for pictures, everything changed. I think a big part of the problem was the fact that the wedding was right during their naps and it was FREEZING cold. Both kids were miserable, kicking, screaming, etc. We ended up being in one picture before we decided that enough was enough, and Mike took the kids home for naps. I stayed behind to be in more of the family pictures, but it was kind of sad to not have the rest of my family there with me.

Beth had asked Mike to help out with the sound equipment during her reception, so he had to leave early to help get everything set up. I was kind of nervous when the kids woke up from their naps, and there was one point when I honestly thought I was going to miss my own sister's wedding reception because of the kids. Fortunately, they started to perk up and so I decided we would try the reception and see how it went. They ended up doing great! I think that they loved the party atmosphere and being able to move around and explore. Poor Beth, Jaxson kept trying to get her to hold him at every opportunity. She was a good sport and kept saying she didn't mind, but I would be willing to bet that there were a few people wondering if Beth already had a kid. 

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This Christmas season seemed especially busy. Between work events, family parties, and everything else, it seemed like there was something going on every night. As nice as it was to be able to see everyone, it has been nice to slow down a little bit and enjoy time with just our own family. 

Our Christmas Eve/Christmas Day was really nice, and actually ended up not being quite as busy as years past. 

We spent the night at Mike's mom's house on Christmas Eve. We ate a delicious dinner, played games, and watched a movie. She had a pinata for the kids, which Jaxson thought was so much fun. I think that Jaxson and Aynsley were still a little young to really understand what was going on, but they knew that something was up. On Christmas morning, the kids had a lot of fun opening up their gifts. They both were able to do pretty well on their own, so this was the first Christmas where it wasn't Mike and me doing all of the unwrapping for them. After breakfast, we headed home just in time for the kids to take their naps. I was SO glad that we were able to get their naps in...both kids were getting pretty cranky by this point, so I know we wouldn't have survived the day otherwise. 

Aynsley, Mike, and Jaxson on Christmas morning. 

Look what Santa brought...a kitchen!

After naps, Mike's dad and his wife came over to visit for a little bit before we headed down to my parent's house. We ended the day with dinner and gifts with my family. Nearly all of our extended family lives out of town, but we had a few family members who were able to come in for Beth's wedding and stay for Christmas. It made it so nice to have everyone there, especially since I think that the last time we were all together for Christmas like that was when I was in elementary school.

Also, my sister Khemia got a special Christmas present that arrived a few days late...her mission call! She is going to the London, England South Mission and reports to the England MTC on April 4th! We are so excited and proud of her, but will definitely miss having her around as our live-in nanny. :)

Jaxson's Second Birthday!

Jaxson turned two...almost two months ago. What can I say, the last few months have been BUSY!

We celebrated with a "Toy Story" themed party (his favorite). We had pizza and alien juice from "Pizza Planet" for lunch and played a game where the kids had to pin the badges on Woody and Buzz. Jaxson loved being able to wear his "Woody" shirt, have a cake with all of his favorite characters, and of course get lots of new Toy Story toys!

By far, I think that Jaxson's favorite new toy was his Buzz Lightyear action figure. He was so excited when he saw what it was; he didn't even want to let anyone take it away long enough to get it out of the package. He had to carry it around with him and is still very protective of it.

Happy birthday, Jaxson! We sure love you!!!

Trick-or-Treat!

I LOVE Halloween! I love the movies, the treats, decorating, costumes, you name it! I have been looking forward to the day when I would have kids to enjoy Halloween festivities with for a long time. Although it was both Jaxson and Aynsley's first Halloween's last year, I think that this year was a lot more fun. It has been so fun for me to watch them get excited about the different activities, even if they didn't completely understand what was going on. I am pleased to say that I think that my kids have inherited my love of the holiday. Jaxson seems to be fascinated with pumpkins, and even sat through "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" with me.

On Sunday, we celebrated Halloween with Mike's family. The kids dressed up in their costumes - they dressed as Jessie and Woody from Toy Story. Jaxson LOVES Toy Story. Anyway, it was fun to have the kids dressed up and see the cousins in their costumes. We had a delicious dinner, played some festive games, and ate more good food. It was such a fun evening.

We had to pose for some pictures while the kid's costumes were still looking good. Getting two toddlers to pose for pictures is tough!

For family home evening this week, my family came up to carve pumpkins together. Both of the kids seemed to think it was pretty interesting and wanted to be involved at the table. Jaxson even helped scoop all the guts out of his pumpkin. My dad helped Jax with his, and I think that Jaxson was pretty proud of their creation.

My work gets really into Halloween, which makes for such a fun day. This year, the people in my department dressed up as super heroes. Most of us were Avengers, but we also had Super Woman and Poison Ivy make an appearance. My boss dressed as the hulk, and ended up winning an award for his costume. 

I love Halloween night, and this has been one of my favorites so far. We took Jaxson trick-or-treating for the first time, and it was so fun. Mike took him to a few houses, but then I decided to take him out again because he was having such a fun time. He lasted a lot longer than I was expecting, and was seriously running from house to house. He was so cute to say "trick or treat" and then "thank you" at each house. Poor boy didn't want to come home, he was having such a fun time. I think that I am going to have a hard core trick-or-treater on my hands!

Autumn Activities

Wow, where has October gone??? I have seriously had so many times when I had posts in my mind, then time just flies by. I feel like we have really been able to take advantage of the beautiful fall weather and enjoy these last few sunny days. It has been so fun for me to experience the season through my kids and enjoy getting excited over the little things. We have loved our autumn outings, yummy treats, festive movies, and fun craft projects. Here is a look at what we have been up to:

We have been able to take a couple of trips to Gardner Village to see the witches. During our first trip, we went with our family and Mike was able to come. It seems like most of our activities are always during the day, so it was nice that he could join us.

To say that the kids loved the witches was an understatement. Jaxson especially was so fascinated by them. There were two that were his favorite, and he spent quite a bit of time running back and forth between the two witches. He would run to one, copy whatever she was doing, then run to the other. He did this for at least 10 or 15 minutes. 

I had to go to a conference for work in Tampa, Florida, and was lucky enough that we had our spouses join us. Our hotel was right on the beach in Clearwater, and it was absolutely gorgeous! Clearwater was seriously one of the nicest beaches that I have ever been to. 

Mike got to beach bum it while I was in classes, but I did have a chance for a few fun outings. We flew in a day early so that we could go to Universal Studios in Orlando. I was pretty excited, because I had never been to either Universal Studios park, and I also wanted to check out Harry Potter. We must have chosen a good day to go, because the lines were not bad at all. We had a lot of fun, but I must admit that I am still a Disney girl at heart. It was pretty cool to see the Harry Potter area of the park, but I was expecting it to be a little bigger than it was. Still, I have no complaints about the day. It was so much fun to spend a carefree day with Mike without worrying about the kids. Unfortunately, the camera that I brought with me that day was out of batteries, so I was only able to take a few pictures on my phone. 

Enjoying the beautiful sunset on Clearwater Beach

Although most of the time I was at the conference without Mike, he and the other spouses were able to come on the last day when we received our award. He was also able to hear the closing speaker, Commander Kelly, who was the commander on the last space shuttle mission and the husband of Gabriel Gifford (AZ Senator who was shot). It was really interesting to hear him speak, and I am sure that Mike enjoyed it since he is so into space stuff. After the conference, we went out back by the riverwalk for a few pictures.

Last week, we headed out to Pack's Pumpkin Patch with my cousin and her two kids. Jaxson and Aynsley loved being able to run around and check out all the pumpkins. I love going to this pumpkin patch because they have a little hay maze that is the perfect size for Jaxson to explore.

We had our second trip to Gardner Village on Friday. We went with my cousin and her kids, and it was crazy busy! Jaxson totally recognized where we were as soon as we pulled in  and was so excited to see the witches again.

We ended the day by going over to Gardner Village's petting zoo. I really wish that I had taken my kids hear before, because they both loved it. They went from being cranky and ready to go home to smiling, laughing, and not wanting to leave practically instantly. Aynsley was a little nervous around some of the bigger animals, but she and Jaxson both loved the bunny rabbits and the chickens. I loved that the workers were so willing to help the kids hold, pet, and even ride on the animals. We will definitely need to remember to come back next year!